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Tommy Hayes

Thomas “Tommy” Hayes Jr. was a Pasadena technology entrepreneur, the father of Evan Hayes, and the grandfather of Lila Hayes. He founded Hayes Technologies in 1995 after working for HP and Dell. Tommy lived with chronic migraine for nearly twenty-eight years before receiving a hemiplegic migraine diagnosis in March 1997. During his marriage, Deborah Hayes repeatedly dismissed his symptoms and contributed to delayed care.

Early Life and Health

Tommy was born in 1954. He was autistic, with a careful, methodical processing style, a preference for predictable routines and smaller social settings, and discomfort at large events. His first hemiplegic migraine episode occurred at age fifteen in 1969, and the episodes continued without a correct diagnosis for nearly twenty-eight years. They included temporary one-sided weakness and speech changes that could resemble a stroke.

During the morning of March 26, 1997, Tommy went to Hayes Technologies despite a severe episode and completed a 9:34 a.m. investor meeting as his symptoms worsened. Brenda sent him home shortly before 10:00 a.m. and told him to pull over and call if he became less able to drive. At 10:17 a.m., Tommy stopped at a Shell station on Colorado Boulevard near Sierra Madre, where he vomited, became dizzy and weak, developed heavily slurred speech, and could not recall the office number. A passerby named Angela found his business card and helped him call Brenda.

Brenda reached Tommy at 10:29 a.m. and drove him toward Huntington Memorial Hospital. He lost consciousness in the passenger seat at 10:31 a.m. and reached the emergency department minutes later. A stroke evaluation led to his hemiplegic migraine diagnosis. The diagnosis gave him a framework for symptoms that Deborah had repeatedly minimized during their marriage.

Main article: Migraine Reference

Career

Main article: Tommy Hayes (Career and Legacy)

Tommy worked for HP and later Dell before founding Hayes Technologies in 1995. The company provided network-infrastructure and IT-systems consulting and grew to five employees with clients across Southern California by March 1997. Its success allowed Tommy to provide financial and practical support when Evan became a teenage parent.

Family and Core Relationships

Evan Hayes

Main article: Tommy Hayes and Evan Hayes

Tommy and Evan shared an autistic neurotype and similar careful, methodical approaches to new information. Tommy understood Evan’s need to think before responding, his preference for smaller groups, and his reliance on research and organized systems. Evan lived with Tommy after his parents separated in 1997. When Evan disclosed Pattie Matsuda’s pregnancy in 1998, Tommy responded without judgment and offered practical, financial, and emotional support.

By late September 1998, Evan’s school, work, caregiving, and appointment schedule had become unsustainable. Tommy contacted Ellen Matsuda and Greg Matsuda and joined them in coordinating additional adult support for Evan and Pattie.

Main article: Tommy Hayes Kitchen Confrontation with Matsudas (Late September 1998) - Event

Lila Hayes

Tommy supported Evan and Pattie during the pregnancy, Lila’s neonatal intensive care stay, and her early infancy. He remained an involved paternal grandfather.

Romantic and Significant Relationships

Deborah Hayes

Main article: Tommy Hayes and Deborah Hayes

Tommy and Deborah married around 1977 and divorced in 1997 after approximately twenty years. Deborah’s repeated dismissal of Tommy’s migraine symptoms contributed to his self-doubt and delayed medical care. After the separation, Evan lived with Tommy.

Memorable Quotes

“What do you need from me?” (Source: Tommy Hayes and Evan Hayes; Tommy responding when Evan disclosed Pattie’s pregnancy.)

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